本帖最后由 多云有时晴 于 2009-11-25 17:46 编辑 608 The One With Ross’s TeethJoey: Hey.Chandler: Hi, my name’s Chandler. I just moved in next door and I was wondering if you would be interested in battling me in a post-apoplectic world for control of the galaxies last remaining energy source?Joey: Sure, neighbor come on in.Chandler: So, is Janine around?Joey: Uh, no, she’s at dance class.Chandler: Can I check out what she did to my room?Joey: Yeah, but, hey look, don’t go through her stuff. She gets really mad.(Chandler gives him a look and walks to the door of his old room.)Chandler: (The room is filled with flowers and a floral print sheet on the bed.) Oh my God. What is th… it’s like a guy never lived in here. Look, you’ve got to be careful. This girl thing is dangerous. (Looking around the living room.) It’s spreading already.Joey: (Looking around the room.) It is???Chandler: (Picking up a pillow.) Yeah, is this your pretty pink pillow on the couch?Joey: No.Chandler: (Pointing to the table and picking up the box.) Is that your tiny little box, that’s too small to put anything in?Joey: No.Chandler: No! Ok, this is not good. You are a guy. Ok? This is a guys place. If you let this go, you’re going to be sitting around with your fingers soaking in stuff.Joey: (With Big Eyes.) All right, you’re right. I’ll talk to her.Chandler: Yes talk to her. Be a man.Joey: I’m a man.Chandler: Defend yourself.Joey: (Grunting) Hmm. (Monica opens the front door and comes in.)Monica: Chandler come on. We have to hem the new dust ruffle.Chandler: Be right there sweetums. (Monica leaves. To Joey.) A totally different situation.Opening CreditsMonica: Hey guys.Chandler: Hey, how was your breakfast with Hillary?Monica: It was okay. She’s still kind of depressed because she broke up with her boyfriend.Chandler: Ohh, yeah.Ross: Well, is this Hillary your HOT assistant chef Hillary?Monica: Yeah.Ross: The one that always stares at me when I come in?Monica: No, the one who looked at you once because you got in her way.Ross: Still I could tell. She was into me. (Joey rolls his eyes.) Well, why don’t you set us up?Rachel: Ohh, are you setting Ross up with someone? Does she have a wedding dress?Phoebe: (Walking over and Sitting down.) Hey.Rachel: Hey.Phoebe: Rachel?Rachel: Yeah.Phoebe: I’m, uhh, making up flyers trying to get new massage clients. So, can I come to Bloomingdale’s and use the copy machine.Rachel: Well, sure, but they might think it’s kinda weird considering I don’t work there anymore.Phoebe: Oh my God. What happened?Rachel: I-I, got a job at Ralph Lauren.Phoebe: Well that’s great! Congratulations!! (She hugs Rachel.)Rachel: Yeah. (chuckling) A year ago..Phoebe: (Hugging her again.) You’ve lasted a whole year. Good for you.Rachel: But, Pheebs, you can still use the copy machine where I actually work. But, just come by at lunch so my boss doesn’t see you. Cause Kim will just freak out and she already doesn’t like me very much.Chandler: That’s weird. I don’t think my boss likes me either.Monica: I don’t think mine likes me either.Ross: Maybe it’s a universal thing?Joey: Or maybe, it’s because you’re hanging around here at 11:30 on a Wednesday. (Everybody gets up.)Chandler: Yeah let’s head off to work.Monica: We should go.Phoebe: Thank you.Rachel: Sure.Phoebe: Now you will not believe this. But, I was in the copy room, making copies, and Ralph Lauren came in.Rachel: Oh my God. Did you talk to him?Phoebe: Yeah a little. He seems really nice. Good kisser.Rachel: What? What!?! You kissed him?Phoebe: Totally.Rachel: (Gasps) Phoebe are you serious?Phoebe: Yeah. I was just in there. He introduced himself and the next thing I know, we’re making out. You know.Rachel: Phoebe, I mean, you do know he’s married?Phoebe: No!Rachel: Phoebe…Phoebe: What am I supposed to do? Ask every guy I make out with if he’s married? (Rachel looks at her.) No, yeah, I should.Janine: Hey Joey.Joey: Hey. Uh, can I talk to you for a second? This, uh, kid in this picture. Do you, uh, know this kid? Is that like a relative or something?Janine: No, I just thought it was cute.Joey: Yeah, that’s what I was afraid of.. Okay, uhh…Look Janine I really want you to feel at home here, but some of this new stuff. It’s…too girly.Janine: Ohh. Like what?Joey: Like this. (pointing to the picture) Pictures of cute babies we don’t know. We..we can’t have that.Janine: Joey, it’s Anne Geddes. She’s a famous artist.Joey: Look I don’t know this baby. I don’t know if she’s a famous artist or not. You know, and I don’t want to be a jerk but you’re changing too much around here.Janine: Well, I’m sorry. I just thought I’d try to make the place a little nicer.Joey: Yeah but it’s too much stuff. You know like, you got the candles and the foofy schmoofer thing here and over here you got a picture of a watering can.Janine: Well I just thought…Joey: I’m sure it’s a famous watering can, okay. But, come on…and what is with the really hot stick in the bathroom?Janine: It’s a curling iron.Joey: Ohh, well, that’s ok then. But, okay my towels for instance. I come in to the bathroom here and my towel is not on the floor where keep it. It’s up here on some hook..and…smells different.Janine: It’s clean.Joey: Yeah, well, it feels different.Janine: It’s dry.Joey: Alright, I can make my peace with the clean dry towels…Also what is with these chips you bought?Janine: No no no no, it’s potpourri. You’re supposed to smell it. (Joey takes a big whiff of the potpourri.)Joey: (Voice cracking) Well that’s like summer in a bowl.Rachel: Oh, Kim, Hi. (Kim doesn’t even look up from her report.)Kim: Uhh-huh.Rachel: So you know, I…I handed in that marketing report and I never got to hear what you thought.Kim: I didn’t read it.Rachel: Ahh….So…Wow…The spring line, it’s really going to be great this year, huh?Kim: Yeah.Rachel: So I hear the Ralph Lauren fooled around with someone in the copy room. (Kim stops the elevator and turns to Rachel.)Kim: Tell me everything.Ross: Hey guys.Chandler and Monica: Hey.Ross: What’s up? (He smiles. His teeth are freakishly white.)Chandler: You know…Oh My God.Monica: What happened to your teeth.Ross: I whitened them.Chandler: (Sarcastically) Really.Ross: Yeah. What do you think.Monica: Well, I think I shouldn’t look directly at them.Ross: Come on, seriously.Monica: Ross they’re really, really, really white.Chandler: Yeah, what was wrong with your old…human teeth.Ross: Ahh, I-I did leave the gel on a little longer then it said to.Monica: How much longer?Ross: A-A day.Monica: Ross you know that tonight is your date with Hillary?Ross: I know. That’s why I did it. (With a big smile) Come on, are they really that bad?Chandler: No, no no no. You’ll be fine. (turning to Monica) Hillary’s bind, right?Monica: She will be after tonight.Chandler: Yeah. (Rachel walks in.)Ross: Oh, hey, hey Rach, do you notice anything..ahh…Rachel: Yeah. Your teeth? Yes, I saw them from outside. (Sitting down on the couch.) You guys are never going to believe this. But, Phoebe made out with Ralph Lauren.Chandler: What???Monica: Oh my god.Rachel: Yeah I know. She ran into him at my office and they just…made out. And the craziest thing is, now my boss likes me because I told her about it and she said it was the best gossip she’d heard all year.Chandler: I am proud of all my friends today.Monica: My God, Rachel, I can’t believe Phoebe made out with Ralph Lauren. Ohh, I’m so jealous. (Chandler looks at her.)Chandler: Hi, I’m Chandler. Your live-in boyMonica: Chandler, please, come on. Look at him. (Pointing to a picture of Ralph on a magazine,.)Chandler: Oh, I am no women, but that is one tasty dish. (Phoebe walks in.)Phoebe: Hey. Here. (Hands Chandler a copy of her flyer and sees the picture of Ralph.) Ohh, who’s the silver fox?Rachel: That-that is your make out buddy. Don’t you recognize him? (Holding up the magazine in front of her face.) Oh wait. Ohh, Phoebe I love you. Kiss me please.Phoebe: That’s not Ralph Lauren. Sounds like him though.Rachel: What?Phoebe: Yeah, no, Ralph doesn’t look anything like that guy. He’s-he’s young and he’s got long hair and a beard and a hacky sack.Rachel: Oh My God, Phoebe, that’s not Ralph Lauren. That’s Kenny the copy guy.Phoebe: What?Rachel: Oh..Go..Oh..and I told my boss that someone made out with Ralph Lauren. If she finds out that I lied to her, she is going to hate me even more. Phoebe!!Phoebe: Why would the copy guy say he was Ralph Lauren?Rachel: To get you to make out with him!!!Phoebe: Ohhh.Monica: (Holding a shirt in front of Ross.) Okay, maybe this will make your teeth look less white. (Ross has a big smile.) Nope. Okay, colors that don’t work are blue, yellow, green, red, black, white, orange, and purple.Ross: I don’t know what I’m going to do. That date starts in like an hour.Monica: Hey Ross, maybe if your skin was lighter. Your teeth wouldn’t look so bright.Ross: Oh great. So all I need to do is get some new skin. Thank you.Monica: I’m just saying, if we put just a little bit of makeup on you.Ross: Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. We’re not 13 anymore.Monica: Ross this is the only thing left that has a shot at working.Ross: But, won’t she notice I have makeup on?Monica: Please. Half the guys out there have makeup on.Ross: What??Monica: All right, half the people. I mean, just try it and see.Ross: No. I am not putting on makeup. (Knock at the door. Phoebe enters.)Phoebe: Hello. Oh good. Ross could you put up some of these flyers for me? (He smiles at her.) OH!! Demon!! Demon!!Monica: Now are drawers will smell nice and we didn’t waste these pantyhose.Chandler: Yes, God forbid we throw out old underwear. You-you know what? I’m going to go over to Joey’s.Monica: Wait, we’re supposed to organize the wrapping paper drawer.Chandler: Yes, but I feel like I’ve really gotten in touch with my feminine side enough today. You know. In fact I think we’re two sachets away from becoming a lesbian couple.Monica: You know what? This has been kind of a girlie day. You’re right, I’m sorry.Chandler: Nah, Nah, it’s okay. I feel like I need to be in guy place. You know, do kind of like a man thing.Monica: Yeah. Go over to Joey’s. Go over to Joey’s and drink some beer and hammer up some drywall.Chandler: You know when guys hang out they don’t just drink some beer and hammer up drywall?Monica: When girls hang out, we don’t have pillow fights in our underwear. (Chandler gets a hurt look on his face.) I’m sorry. We do. We do. I don’t know why I said that.Joey: Hey Chandler. Come on in. We’re knitting pot holders.Chandler: No thanks, Josephine.Chandler: Hey Ross, I was wondering if… Oh my God!! Where are all the men???Rachel: Ohh, hi, Kim.Kim: Hi Rachel.Rachel: Yeah, remember that thing I told you that happened yesterday? Well it didn’t happen.Kim: You didn’t cancel the fabric order from Taiwan?Rachel: Okay, two things didn’t happen. Remember I told you that someone made out with Ralph Lauren in the copy room? Well, it turns out that’s not true.Kim: That’s not true?Rachel: No.Kim: Oh that’s interesting? Because I checked and only one keycard was used to access the copy machine yesterday during lunch and that keycard belonged to you, Rachel.Rachel: Oh no, no, no. Oh God, you think I made out with him.Kim: Listen to me. If you think sleeping with Ralph is going to get you my job. You are sadly mistaken.Rachel: I-I don’t want your job. I-I don’t. Ohh this is such a mistake. I did not make out with him. Nobody made out with him. I did not use my keycard yesterday. I don’t even know how to use my keycard. (The elevator stops. Ralph steps on.)Kim: Hi Ralph.Ralph Lauren:: Hi Kim. (Dead silence until Ralph gets off the elevator.)Kim: Yeah, nothing happen. You could cut the sexual tension in here with a knife.Hillary: And after that, what could I do except become a chef.Ross: Mmm-Hmm.Hillary: And someday soon, I hope to open my own restaurant.Ross: Mmm.Hillary: You know, you’re a really great listener. Most guys I go out with, they just talk and talk.Ross: Mm-Hmm.Hillary: After a while it’s like, shut your mouth, you know?Ross: (Chuckling) Hmm-Hmm.Hillary: I’ve probably been talking too much. Why don’t we talk about you a little bit?Ross: Mmm-Unmm.Hillary: Come on. I want to know.Ross: Hmm-Hmm-Hmm. (Putting his hand up to block his mouth.) Okay. I, uh, am from Long Island. I-I came to the city for college. Um, I, um, have a 5 year old son and in my spare time I like to read spy novels. But, but, let’s talk more about you. Hmm.Joey: So what’s really neat. If you sear the stems of the flowers first in a frying pan, your arrangement will look fresh much longer.Monica: Oh my God, Joey, that is such a great tip.Chandler: Monica, could you excuse us for a second? I need to talk to the girl with the flowers.Monica: Okay. Oh but Joey, come over later because I’m going to teach you to make a bird feeder out of just a pine cone and some peanut butter.Joey: Ohh, I love birds. (Monica leaves. Chandler shuts the door.)Chandler: What is the matter with you ?!?Joey: What?Chandler: You’re arranging flowers! (Pointing to the dish on the table.) You got dead flowers! You got a picture, a picture, of a baby dressed like flowers! This is not Joey!!Joey: Hey. Hey look I am still Joey, okay. Flowers they’re just, you know, they’re nice to look at. And that happens to be a picture by a famous artist. Of a famous baby.Chandler: You’re turning into a women.Joey: No I’m not. Why would you say that? That’s just mean.Chandler: Now I’ve upset you? What did I say?Joey: It’s not what you said. It’s the way you said it….Oh My God, I’m a women!!!Rachel: Now, she thinks that I made out with him and I did it to get her job.Phoebe: But why didn’t you just tell her the truth.Rachel: I did but she doesn’t think anyone would be stupid enough to confuse Kenny the copy guy with Ralph Lauren.Phoebe: Well, hey, what if Kenny were the real brains behind the whole company? You know. What if Kenny hired that Ralph Lauren guy to be the pretty front man? Huh, did she ever think of that?Rachel: You were with Kenny today, weren’t you?Phoebe: Just for a second.Rachel: Ohh, Phoebe, what am I going to do?Phoebe: Well, the only thing you can do. Sleep with Ralph Lauren.Rachel: I’m not going to sleep with Ralph Lauren. I mean, I could, but I wouldn’t.Phoebe: Ohh, sleep with Kenny.Rachel: That wouldn’t help me.Phoebe: Ohh, yes it would.Hillary: I’ve had a really good time tonight.Ross: Mmm.Hillary: You know, I rarely connect with someone this much on the first date.Ross: (Giggling) Hmm-Hmm-Hmm. (Picking up a piece of bread and covering his mouth.) Me, neither. I’ve had a really good time too, you know. (Putting the bread down.)Hillary: Are you going to eat that bread?Ross: (Putting the bread up to his nose.) Ohh, I just like the smell. (Sniffing it.) Mmmm.Hillary: (Laughing) You make me laugh.Ross: Hmm-Hmm.Hillary: Would you like to move over to the couch?Ross: Mmm-Hmm. (Picking up their wine glasses.)Hillary: Maybe I’ll just turn the lights down a little.Ross: (Covering his mouth with the glass.) How about all the way.Hillary: Okay. (She goes to turn the lights off and Ross sits on the couch. She has some black light posters on the wall.)Ross: (Looking at the posters.) Wow, cool poster. Or should I say groovy poster? (They sit down on the couch. Ross smiles and the black light fluoresces his teeth.) So, ahh, where were we?Hillary: Are those your teeth??Ross: Ohh, you can see them, huh?Hillary: Yes. They’re insanely white.Ross: I-I, did that for you.Hillary: What’s a matter with you?Ross: What’s a matter with me? You’ve got a black light. It’s 1999!Rachel: Kim, hi.Kim: Hi Rachel. Ohh, I’ve been meaning to ask you. Have you seen the new Ralph Lauren sheets? Ohh, what am I thinking. Of course you have.Rachel: Okay..Okay.. Look. I’m sorry that I lied to you before. You were right. Ralph and I were an item but were not anymore.Kim: Oh, really?Rachel: (Faking crying.) Yeah, he dumped me. He said, "Rachel, I can’t do this. Even though you are a very, very, very beautiful women. I can’t do this. I’m married and I’m sorry." And then I don’t know why but he said, "and you will never get promoted. Especially not above Kim, who is an integral cog in the Ralph Lauren machine."Kim: You expect me to believe..(Doors open, Ralph steps in.) Hi Ralph.Ralph Lauren:: Hi Kim. (Dead silence again until he gets off.)Kim: Oh my God. He just gave you the coldest look I have ever seen. It’s like he hates you. Then it is true.Rachel: Of course it’s true and it hurts so bad.Kim: Ohh honey come here. (Hugging Rachel.) Ohh it will be ok. We’ve all been there.Rachel: You and Ralph?Kim: Kenny the copyboy.Ending CreditsJanine: Hey.Joey: Hey, uhh, I need to talk to you.Janine: What’s the matter? Are you upset?Joey: I’m sorry but we’ve got to get rid of all this girlie stuff in here. I, uh, I got to be a man! Okay. The living room has to remain a guy place, okay? That’s just the way it has to be.Janine: Well, if that’s what you want. I’ll just put it all in my room.Joey: Great…Great…and thanks for being so understanding. I mean, I didn’t want to make a big deal out of this, you know. (She starts to collect all the girlie stuff up.) You could, uh, put the picture of the famous baby in my room. I mean, if you want to.Janine: Okay.Joey: And, uhh, maybe the watering can there.Janine: Sure.Joey: And a couple of these little tiny boxes.Janine: Joey? Do you want me to put it all in your room?Joey: (Smiling) Okay.End
本帖最后由 多云有时晴 于 2009-11-25 17:49 编辑 606 The One The Last NightChandler: (watches Joey for a moment) Okay! (Joey quickly moves the hockey stick so that he’s scratching his back with it.) Listen, I’m gonna be moving out so you will be in charge of paying the rent.Joey: Right! And when is that due?Chandler: First of the month.Joey: And that’s every month?Chandler: No, just the months you actually want to live here.Joey: Ahhh.Chandler: Okay, here is the phone bill. (Hands it to Joey.)Joey: (looking at it) Oh my God!!Chandler: That’s our phone number. Now look, I know I kinda sprung this whole me moving out on thing, so why don’t I just—why don’t I just cover you for a while?Joey: No-no! No way! Joey Tribbiani does not take charity…anymore.Chandler: It’s not charity, Joe…Joey: No! Forget it! Okay—I mean thanks, but I’m done taking money from you. All right, I can take of myself. Now, what’s next? Come on.Chandler: Okay uh, here’s the electric bill. (Hands it to him.)Joey: This is how much we pay for electric?!!!Chandler: Uh, yeah.(Joey runs over and shuts off the lights.)Chandler: So, we’ll do the rest of the bills later then?Opening CreditsPhoebe: So is Joey going to have to give up the apartment?Chandler: No, I hope not! I tried to offer him some money, but he wouldn’t take it.Phoebe: Well, how much do you think he needs?Chandler: I figure that $1,500 would cover him for a few months, y’know? But I have to trick him into taking it so I won’t hurt his pride.Phoebe: Why don’t you hire him as an actor? You could have him dress up and put on little skits. Whatever you want.Chandler: Well that would help the pride thing.Monica: (entering from her room) Hey!Chandler: Hey! Wow! You look great! Wanna move in with me tomorrow?Monica: (thinks) Okay.Chandler: Okay! (They kiss) So, what do you girls have planned for tonight?Monica: Well, instead of being sad that tonight is my last night together with Rachel we thought we’d go out to dinner and celebrate the fact that Rachel is moving in with Phoebe.Phoebe: And also, my birthday.Monica: It’s not your birthday.Phoebe: What a mean thing to say! I would never tell you it’s not your birthday!(Joey and Ross enter.)Joey: Hey!Ross: Hey!Chandler: Hey!Phoebe: Hey! So you guys have anything planned for the big last night?Chandler: Well, instead of just hanging out, we figure we’d do nothing.Ross: Whoa-whoa-whoa, Knicks season opener tonight. I thought maybe you guys would come over and watch it.Joey: I don’t know Ross, not if you’re gonna talk about how you gave up a career in basketball to become a paleontologist.Ross: I did give up a career in basketball to become a paleontologist!Rachel: (entering from her room) Pheebs, I was wondering…Monica: You’re not dressed yet?! We’re supposed to start having fun in 15 minutes!Rachel: Well and clearly not a minute sooner.Monica: Rachel, you are packed though right, I mean please tell me that you’re packed. Rachel: Of course I packed! Monica relax! I just wanted to ask Phoebe her opinion on what I should wear tonight.Phoebe: My God, I can’t get a minute of peace around this place.she’s not packed.]Phoebe: Oh my God! Monica’s just gonna kill you.Rachel: Yeah, yeah, I know.Phoebe: Well, what you’re wearing is fine for that.Monica: (entering) Rachel, I need to borrow—You’re not packed!!!! You’re not packed even a little bit!Rachel: Surprise!!Monica: What?Rachel: No, no don’t get mad because look—this is what happened. So I-I started packing, then I realized, "What am I doing? I am lousy at packing!" Right? But you love packing! So, as a gift to you, on our last night, ta-da!Monica: (grabs a bag of those Styrofoam peanuts) I’ll be coordinator! Oh my God! I’m so sorry, I didn’t get you anything! Okay, look everybody has to help! Okay? You can help, can’t you Phoebe?Phoebe: I have plans.Monica: You’re plans were with us.Phoebe: That’s right.Monica: All right, Chandler can make boxes, Ross can wrap, and Joey can lift things. Now Phoebe, go tell the guys they have to help out!Phoebe: Okay.Monica: Okay! (To Rachel) Oh my God, thank you!!Phoebe: Hurry! Monica’s gonna make you pack! She’s got jobs for everyone! Now, it’s too late for me, but save your selves! (The guys scramble for the door.)Monica: (entering and interrupting the guy’s escape attempt) Okay! The movers will be here in 11 hours. Rachel has not packed. Now, everybody has to help! Chandler, we’re gonna start with…Chandler: Oh nope, I-I have plans with Joey.Monica: I thought you said you were going to do nothing.Chandler: Yes, but for the last time.Monica: Okay fine, now Ross…Ross: Oh, but-but I can’t do it.Monica: Why not?Joey: (quietly) I’ve got Ben.Ross: Because, because I’ve got Ben.Monica: It’s almost 8 o’clock, it’s almost past his bedtime. Where-where is he?Chandler: He’s at a dinner party.Monica: Is he really coming? Because I can see right into your apartment!Ross: Of course he is! What, do you think I’d just use my son as-as an excuse? What kind of father do you think I am?Monica: All right, sorry. (Goes back to Rachel’s room.)Ross: (to the guys) I gotta go make a fake Ben.Joey: Here it is! Our last pizzas together as roommates.Chandler: Oh, I wish I’d know you were going to do that, I ordered Chinese.Joey: Oh that’s okay. Hey, actually in a way it’s kinda nice. Me, bringing the food of my ancestors, you, the food of yours!(Chandler stares at him, dumbfounded, then finally agrees.)Chandler: Say, Joe, I had a strange idea of what we could do for our last night. What do you say we play a little uh, foosball for money?Joey: What, are you crazy? You haven’t beaten me once since my injury plagued ’97 season. It would be easier if you just give me your money.Chandler: Yes it would. What do you say to $50?Joey: Okay, you’re on.Chandler: Okay, let’s play! The big game, Italy vs. China, apparently.(They start playing.)Rachel: Ohhhhhh, look it’s the roller blades.Monica: (starting to cry) Oh God!Rachel: You remember when we got these?Monica: No.Rachel: I guess you weren’t there. (They hug.)Phoebe: You guys, we said we were gonna have fun! Come on, hey, remember the time… (She starts laughing hysterically.) You don’t remember?Rachel: I’m sorry Pheebs, I guess I’m just really said that I’m leaving.Monica: I’m gonna miss you so much.Phoebe: Well, this doesn’t have to be so sad though. Y’know? Maybe instead of just thinking about how much you’re gonna miss each other, you should like think of the things you’re not gonna miss.Monica: I don’t think there’s anything.Phoebe: Come on, there’s gotta be something.Monica: Nope, she’s perfect.Rachel: I have one.Phoebe: Good! Great! You can go first.Rachel: Uh well, I guess I’m not gonna miss the fact that you’re never allowed to move the phone pen. (Laughs. Monica lags behind the laugh a little bit.)Phoebe: Good that’s a good one. Okay, Monica, anything? Y’know? Does Rachel move the phone pen?Monica: Aw, sometimes. Always, actually.Phoebe: Okay, good. There you go. Doesn’t anyone feel better?Monica: Not just the phone pen. I never get my messages.Rachel: You get your messages!Monica: Yeah, well I don’t think it really counts if you have to read them off the back of your hand after you fall asleep on the couch.Rachel: So-so, you missed a message from who? Chandler or your mom? Or Chandler? Or your mom?Phoebe: Great! It worked! No one’s sad.Joey: (scores) Yes! I win again! Ha-ha! That’s like 500 bucks you owe me! Whoo-ho-hoo! (Goes over to the fridge and starts opening and closing the door rapidly.) $500 that is a loooot of electricity! (By the way, there’s nothing in the fridge.) Whoo-ho-ho! (Notices the sparseness of the fridge.) I gotta buy some food.Chandler: Okay, give me a chance to win my money back. Okay? Sudden death, one goal, $1,000.Joey: You serious?Chandler: Oh yes!Joey: Okay, get ready to owe me!Chandler: Okay.Joey: Okay, here we go. Ready?Chandler: No! No! No! No—(Joey looks at him)—one can beat me.(In frustration, Joey kicks the table, breaking it.)Chandler: See? Now, that’s why only the little fake men are supposed to do all the kicking.Monica: Hello? (Listens) Oh, hi Ross! (To Rachel) See? Other people call me!Rachel: Ooh, your brother. Score!Monica: (on phone) What’s up?Ross: Oh, I’m just over here with Ben. I thought we’d say hi.Monica: Oh, put him on!Ross: Ben, say hi to Aunt Monica. (He holds the phone to the fake Ben he has created out of a pumpkin.) Oh, I guess he doesn’t feel like talking right now. He’s smiling though! Okay, talk to you later.Phoebe: Yeah, I think it was better when you guys were sad. Hey, uh, remember the roller blades?Rachel: You know what else I’m not gonna miss? "I’m Monica. I wash the toilet 17 times a day. Even if people are on it!"Monica: "Hi I’m Rachel, is my sweater too tight? No? Oh, I’d better wash it and shrink it!"Rachel: "I’m Monica, I don’t get phone messages from interesting people. Ever!"Phoebe: Hey! I call her!Monica: "Oh my God, I love Ross! I hate Ross! I love Ross! I hate Ross!"Rachel: "Oh my God, I can’t find a boyfriend! So I guess I’ll just stumble across the hall and sleep with the first guy I find in there!"(Monica picks up one of those boxes of hair curling things, dumps it in a box, and storms out.)Phoebe: Yeah, we should get a move on if we wanna make those dinner reservations. (Phoebe dumps a drawer full of makeup into a box.)Commercial BreakChandler: Still broken?Joey: This sucks man! The last night you’re here and I lose the two most important things in my life, the foosball table and $500.Chandler: Well, there are other ways of winning back your money, how about a little uh, a little Blackjack? (Holds up a deck of cards.)Joey: Nah, not my game.Chandler: Okay, uh, how about, how about—y’know what? We could play a new game. A new game, it’s fun.Joey: Well, what’s it called?Chandler: Cups.Joey: I don’t know how to play Cups.Chandler: I’ll teach ya! Come on, come on, it’s really easy and really, really fun.Joey: All right.Chandler: Okay, here you go. (He deals out two cards each.) I have two queens, what do you have?Joey: A two and a five.Chandler: Ho-ho, you win! 50 dollars!Joey: Really?!Chandler: Oh yeah! Okay, let’s play again. (He deals out two cards each again.) What do you got?Joey: A four and a nine.Chandler: You’re kidding right?Joey: No. Why?Chandler: Well that’s a full cup! (Pays him again.)Joey: Damn! I am good at Cups!Monica: I’m not talking to her!Phoebe: Well, one of you has to take the first step! And it should be you, because she’s the one who’s leaving. It’s harder for her!Monica: Well, maybe you’re right—She made fun of my phone pen!Phoebe: I know, I took it hard too.(Monica goes into Rachel’s room.)Monica: Listen Rachel, I feel really bad about—What are you doing? (She sees that Rachel is unpacking.)Rachel: I’m unpacking!Monica: What?!Rachel: I’m not moving! (She re-hangs a picture, crookedly.) Is that picture straight?Monica: It needs to go about 20 blocks to the left!Rachel: Hey, y’know what? You’re the one who wants to make this big change and move in with Chandler! You should be the one to go! Why should I have to leave?!Monica: Because it’s my apartment!Rachel: Well it’s mine too! What else you got?!Monica: How about, you’re moving!! (Grabs a bunch of clothes and throws them into a box. What follows is a brief sequence of Rachel unpacking and Monica packing the same stuff over and over again as Rachel chants "No." and Monica chants "Yes.")Rachel: Look! This is ridiculous. We should be packing you!! (She knocks over Monica, grabs a box, and runs into the kitchen.)Phoebe: Hey, how are you guys doing?Rachel: Great! Monica’s moving!Monica: (entering) I am not!Rachel: Oh really?! Then how come all your stuff is in this box?! (Monica starts chasing Rachel around the table.)Phoebe: Okay, you guys. You guys I think I know what’s going on here. Okay, you guys… STOP!! (They stop.)I know that, I know that you’re acting mad because you think that it’ll make it easier to leave. But deep down you’re still really sad. Deep-deep down.Monica: No Phoebe I am mad!Phoebe: Well, deep-deep-deep down!Rachel: Yeah, I’m just mad!Phoebe: Then keep running. (They resume the chase.)Chandler: You win.Joey: Well, what did you have?Chandler: It doesn’t matter because nothing beats a three and a six. That my friend is D-Cup. Okay, now much have you won so far?Joey: Uh, (counts the money) wow, 700.Chandler: Not 700 exactly?Joey: Yeah.Chandler: Double it! (He does.)Joey: What?Chandler: Well you see in Cups, once you get $700, you have to double it.Joey: Really?Chandler: Hey, I didn’t make up the rules. Now, after you receive the doubling bonus, you get uh, one card. Now that one card could be worth $100 bringing your total to 1,500. (Joey gets excited.) Don’t get to excited because that’s not gonna happen unless you get—No way! (He takes the top card, which is the two of clubs. Of course, any card would’ve won. Chandler pays him.)Monica: Well, this is the last box of your clothes. I’m just gonna label it, "What were you thinking?"Rachel: Funny, because I was just gonna go across the hall and write that on Chandler.Phoebe: Hey you guys, I don’t mean to make things worse, but umm, I don’t want to live with Rachel anymore.Monica and Rachel: What?!Phoebe: You’re just so mean to each other! And I don’t want to end up like that with Rachel. I still like you!Rachel: Well, Phoebe that’s fine because I’m not moving.Monica: Whoa-whoa-whoa, Phoebe you gotta take her! Y’know I-I-I said some really bad stuff about her, but y’know Rachel has some good qualities that make her a good roommate.Rachel: Oh really? Like what Monica?Monica: Y’know she has 147,000 pairs of boots…Rachel: Oh yeah, good start Mon.Monica: She lets you borrow them.Rachel: Yeah and you stretch ‘em out with your big old clown feet.Monica: Do you wanna live outside?! Because it’s gettin’ cold! (To Phoebe) She gets tons of catalogs and umm, she’ll fold down the pages of the things she thinks that I’d like.Phoebe: What else?Monica: When I take a shower, she leaves me little notes on the mirror.Rachel: Yeah, I do. I-I do, do that.Phoebe: That’s nice. I like having things to read in the bathroom.Monica: When I fall asleep on the couch after reading, she covers me over with a blanket.Rachel: Well y’know, I don’t want you to be cold.Monica: And when I told her that I was gonna be moving in with Chandler, she was really supportive. (To Rachel) (Starts to cry) You were so great. You made it so easy. And now you have to leave. And I have to live with a boy!! (They both break down in tears.)Rachel: Oh, it’s gonna be fine.Phoebe: Okay Rachel, I can’t wait to live with you! And you know what we should do? Bring Monica and then we could all live there together! We’ll have so much fun!!Rachel: But honey, I think she’s moving in with Chandler.Phoebe: Oh that’s right. You’re still set on that?Monica: Kinda. (She hugs Phoebe and looks out the window. She moves closer to it to get a better look.) Oh my God!Ross: (answering the phone) Hello? (Listens) Hey Mon, how’s the packing going? (Listens) Ben? He’s fine. Yeah, he’s right—Oh my God! (He looks over at the fake Ben and notices that the head has fallen off.) Get your head of your shirt there son! (He tries to push the pumpkin through the neck hole.) What? (Listens) Yeah, it’s a pumpkin. I’ll come pack.Joey: Hey!Chandler: What’s wrong?Joey: Ross and I were helping the girls pack, took a little break, I lost $1,500 to him in Cups!Chandler: Wh-How did you lose at Cups?!Joey: The same way you lost. I started out with a King and a Queen, bamn! Ross gets a 2 and a 3. Then I get a Jack and a King, boom! Ross gets a 4 and a 5! Ross was getting the Cup card, the D-Cup, the Sittin’ Down Bonus! Meanwhile, I didn’t even get half a cup! Nothin’!!Chandler: Oh man!!Joey: And he never played before either! Y’know what I think? I think beginner’s luck, very important in Cups.Chandler: All right, let’s play one more hand! One more!Joey: No, no, no more! I cannot lose another dime! I’m serious this time! In-in fact, look, there’s a—I wanna give you something. And let me give it too you know before I pawn it for Cups money. (He rolls the big white dog over) Now, I want you to have the big white dog as a kinda of a, y’know, thank you for being such a great roommate.Chandler: I can’t take the big white dog! You love it!Joey: It’s him, not it!Chandler: No, but wait—what if I bought it from you, y’know? And your nice gesture would be giving it to me at a reasonable price, say (Gets choked up) $1,500?Joey: Wait a second, I see what you’re trying to do here! You-you’re trying to give me money again!Chandler: When did I try to give you money?Joey: Over there! (Points to the couch) Before, with the bills! You tried to give some charity, I said "No," you dropped it. Okay? Then we had a nice last night together, we had some fun, we gambled, nobody tried to give anybody any money! Now out of the blue, you start with the charity thing again!Chandler: I’m just trying to help you out! Okay? I wanna make sure that you’re okay.Joey: I will be okay! Look Chandler, you gotta get it out of your head that I can’t take care of myself. Okay? Look, I’m not gonna miss you helping me out with money. The only thing that I’m gonna miss…is you. And now the dog.Monica: Hey. Call me when you get there. Okay?Rachel: Okay.Monica: I’m really gonna miss you.(They hug.)Rachel: Oh! I have your key. Here you go. (Hands it to Monica.)Monica: Thanks.Rachel: Yeah.(Silence ensues.)Rachel: Oh God! This is silly, I’m gonna see you in a couple of hours! (They hug again.) Monica: Yeah.Rachel: Bye house!(They break the embrace.)Rachel: Bye Mon.Monica: Bye.(Monica closes the door and slowly walks into Rachel’s old and now empty room.)Chandler: (entering) Hey.Monica: She really left.Chandler: I know. (He kisses her.)Monica: Thank you.Chandler: No problem roomie. (She turns around and hugs him.)Monica: Can I ask you a question?Chandler: Sure!Monica: What the hell is that dog doing here?! (She notices the dog sitting in the living room.)(And with that, an era ends as Chandler moves in with Monica as Rachel moves in with Phoebe. It ‘tis a sad and happy time for Friends.)Ending CreditsChandler: I invented the game of Cups as a way to give Joey money.Ross: And now you want that money back.Chandler: Exactly.Ross: Chandler, what kind of an idiot do you take me for? (As he picks up the fake Ben.)Chandler: It’s not a real game! I made it up!Ross: I’m sorry you lost your money, but I won it fair and square.Chandler: At a fake game!!Ross: Now, if you wanna try to make some of it back, I’d be glad to play you for it. But I should warn you, I am very good at Cups.Chandler: Okay! Now I assume the Saucer card came up when you played last.Ross: No.Chandler: Hmm, let’s see if it comes up this time. (He looks at his cards and shrugs.)End
本帖最后由 多云有时晴 于 2009-11-25 17:48 编辑 605 The One With Joey’s PorscheRachel: I cannot believe that you didn’t tell me that we are still married!!Ross: Look I was going to tell you!Rachel: When?! After the birth of our first secret child?! (To All) Ross didn’t get the annulment; we are still married.Chandler: What?Monica: You’re kidding!Phoebe: (overdoing it) Oh my God!!Monica: Ross!Ross: Okay, maybe it wasn’t my best decision. But I just couldn’t face another failed marriage.Chandler: Okay, let me just jump in and ask, at what point did you think this was a successful marriage?Ross: Rach, come on, if you think about it, it’s actually kinda funny. (He laughs, and he laughs alone.) Okay, maybe it’s best not to think about it.Phoebe: Okay, this is inexcusable. I am shocked to my very core!Ross: Phoebe, I told her you already knew.Phoebe: Another lie. You have a sickness!Chandler: Ross, just for my own piece of mind, you’re not married to anymore of us are ya?Opening CreditsJoey: Oh! Hey, somebody left their keys. (Looks at them) Ooohh, to a Porsche! :) Hey Gunther, these yours?Gunther: Yeah, that’s what I drive. I make four bucks an hour, I saved up for 350 years!Joey: Na-uh! (To everyone there) Hey did anybody lose their keys?Monica: Joey, why don’t you put them in the lost and found?Joey: There’s a lost and found? (Gunther sets the box up on the table.) My shoe! (Grabs it out of the box.)Chandler: You left a shoe here?!Joey: Well, I didn’t realize until I got home. I wasn’t gonna walk all the way back down here with one shoe! Y’know what? I’m gonna go find that guy’s car and leave a note on the windshield. (Goes to do so.)Chandler: Oh good, when he comes back for his keys, I’ll be sure to give him your shoe.Joey: Great! Thanks. (Exits.)Phoebe: (coming in from the bathroom) Oh, good, good, you guys are here! Listen, how would like to spend tomorrow taking care of three incredibly cute little puppies?!Monica: Oh my God, what a fun day! That sounds great!Chandler: (not enthused) Yeah, all right.Phoebe: Okay, well I’ll bring them by tomorrow morning. Okay, and uh, by the way, they’re not actually puppies, they’re Frank and Alice’s triplets. Okay, see ya! (Exits.)Chandler: Whoa-whoa-whoa! What?Phoebe: (stops) Please! Please! Please! Please! Oh please! Please! Please! Frank and Alice asked me to baby sit the triplets and I’m nervous ‘cause I’ve never done that before by myself!Monica: Don’t worry about it Phoebe, we’ll absolutely do it.Chandler: Yeah, I’m gonna pass. ‘Cause I was kinda iffy when it was puppies.Monica: Come on Chandler, come on! It’ll give us great practice for when—(realizes what she’s about to say and changes)—people with babies come to visit.Guy #1: Nice car!Joey: Yeah, it’s not mine.Woman: (walking up) I love your car.Joey: Yeah, it’s (looks up and sees the woman) mine.Woman: I bet it’s fast.Joey: Me too! Yeah. And comfortable. Do uh, do you like leather seats?Woman: Yeah!Joey: (checks in the window to make sure it has them) It’s got ‘em!Rachel: So, I still have boxes here. I still have boxes at Ross’s, and I have nowhere to live! Wow. I could so easily freak out right now.Phoebe: What about me? I just found out that Denise is leaving town for a while, I don’t have a roommate.Rachel: Well, maybe-maybe I could be your roommate Pheebs.Phoebe: Maybe you could be my roommate!Rachel: Well there’s an idea!!Phoebe: Yeah!Rachel: That would be great! Wait, how long is Denise gone for?Phoebe: Umm, she said she’d be back December 26th. Rachel: December 26th, huh maybe she’s Santa Clause.(Phoebe laughs, then stops to think about it. Ross enters.)Rachel: (deadpan) Oh look who it is, my husband. The apple of my eye.Ross: Okay, I got us a court date for tomorrow at 2:00 and I picked up all the forms. I’ll take care of everything.Rachel: Well sure, if you say you’re gonna take care of everything I have no reason to doubt you. Give me those forms! (Grabs them from him.) All right, now I’m gonna do this my way and I don’t want to hear a peep out of you!Ross: Okay Rach, but…Rachel: Op! You’re peeping!(Ross grunts something and hands her the pen he was trying to hand her.)Rachel: Ross! Y’know what, I just got—why? Why did you do this?!Ross: Look I told you…Rachel: I don’t wanna hear "Three failed marriages!"Ross: Look, if you’d had two failed marriages, you’d understand!Rachel: Well, y’know what? Thanks to you I’m half way there! Ugh! Oh! I am so mad! Ross, I don’t think I have ever been this angry!Ross: What about the time I said we were on a break?Rachel: Ugh! (Stares at him.)Monica: Pheebs, how’s it going?Phoebe: (rapidly) I’m doing okay. I think it’s going well. Do you think they’re having fun? Am I talking to fast?Monica: Nope, sound like me. Pheebs, it’s going great. Look at Chandler with little baby girl Chandler.Chandler: Little baby girl Chandler, where I have heard that before? Oh right, Coach Ruben. (Tries to get her to drink a little more from the bottle when he suddenly smells something. It’s times like these I’m glad Smell-O-Vision hasn’t been invented.) Do you know what Pheebs? When you’re done over there, we kinda have a situation over here too. (Phoebe is changing hers.)Phoebe: Na-uh, no, we are all responsible for our own babies.Chandler: See that’s where I think that you’re wrong. We’ve been playing these babies man for man; we should really be playing a zone defense.Monica: What do you mean?Chandler: I just think that things would go a lot smoother if we each have our own zone. Phoebe, you can be in charge of wiping. And y’know Mon, you can be in charge of diapering and I can be in charge of looking how cute they are when they put their hands around… (He degrades into baby talk, but he means when they grab his finger.)Phoebe: That sounds really great, but maybe you should be in charge of wiping.Chandler: Okay, I’m a rookie. I should not be in the end zone.Monica: This is so great! This is exactly how we set the plates at the restaurant.Phoebe: Yeah? (Checking the final diaper) Well this is not what I ordered.Joey: (entering) Hey guys!Chandler: Hey!Phoebe: Hey!Joey: Hey babies! Oh, I’m having the best morning. That uh, that Porsche I’ve got the keys too, still there!Chandler: Shocking! Since you still have the keys.Joey: You should see the treatment I get when I’m with that car! People are friendly; they-they wanna talk, and not just about the car! One guy gave me advice about my equity investments.Chandler: What equity investments?Joey: The ones that got me the Porsche! Will you keep up! (Chandler wipes his forehead with a baby wipe, that might have been used. He drops it disgustedly.) But I figured, if-if people keep seeing me just standing there, they’re gonna start to think that I don’t own it. So I figured I’ll wash it. Right? Monica, you got a bucket and some soap I can borrow?Monica: Oh yeah, I got soap and sponges and rags and Carnuba wax and polishing compound.Chandler: You don’t even have a car!Monica: I know. But umm, one time there was this really dirty car in front of the building, so I washed it.Chandler: And?Monica: And six others.Chandler: There you are.Joey: Yeah, she tops out at 130.Guy #2: Wow!Joey: And that’s just in the city. I get her up to 160 when I take her upstate.Guy #2: Really! You got a place upstate?Joey: Sure!Guy #2: Well, I’ll see you later.Joey: Okay, take it easy.The Porsche Owner: Hey! That’s my car.Joey: Really? Oh uh, oh just give me five more minutes with it.The Porsche Owner: What-what are you doing?Joey: Oh I-I uh, found the keys and now I’m just polishing her up.The Porsche Owner: But it’s my car!Joey: Yeah, but it’s my wax.The Porsche Owner: Listen, I-I-I don’t come to this city much so I don’t know if you’re crazy or this is some kind of street theater, but could I have my keys.Joey: Sure. Here. (He hands them over.) I’ll uh, save your parking spot.The Porsche Owner: I’m not coming back.Joey: Why not?The Porsche Owner: I live upstate.Joey: Yeah, so did I.(The guy gets in and drives off.)Phoebe: I don’t know why I was so nervous about this. And I don’t know why Frank and Alice are always complaining. This is so easy.Monica: Yeah, two hours, a lifetime that’s the same.Chandler: (entering) Check it out! Check it out! When the babies wake up, they can meet Krog! (He holds up this Xena-like warrior action figure.)Monica: Chandler, what are you doing? That thing can put someone’s eye out!Chandler: He can do more than that! He can destroy the universe!Phoebe: No Chandler, they can swallow one of those little parts! And also, look at his smooth area, that’s just gonna mess them up.Chandler: They’re not gonna swallow anything, you guys are being way over protective. When I was a kid, my mom used to just throw me into a pile of broken glass!Phoebe: What?!Chandler: Glass, sand, whatever. (Walks out as Monica and Phoebe turn to check on the babies again.)Phoebe: Oh, look at little Leslie stretching in her sleep.Monica: Oh it’s so cute. I wonder what age it is when you stop being able to put both legs over your head.Phoebe: Oh, I can still do that.Monica: How are you still single?!Chandler: (entering) All right. (Clears throat) I thought about it and maybe you’re right. Maybe Krog is not a safe toy.Monica: Good. What made you change your mind?Chandler: I swallowed the sonic blaster gun.Phoebe: How did that happen?!!Chandler: Well, I was trying to prove that I was right. Y’know? And it turns out I was wrong. And now it’s lodged in my throat. (Mimics a cat trying to cough up a hairball.) (He does it again.)Monica: Damnit! Y’know this whole time we were concentrating on watching the babies and, and no one was watching Chandler! (He does it again.)Judge: Okay you two are asking the court for an annulment?Rachel: Yes your honor, and here are, are forms, all filled out.Judge: So based on your petition you are seeking an annulment on the grounds that Mr. Geller is mentally unstable.Ross: Fine, I’m mentally unstable.Judge: And based on the fact that Mr. Geller is intravenous drug user.Ross: What?!Rachel: Uh yes, heroin and crack.Ross: Crack isn’t even an intravenous drug!Rachel: Well, you would know.Judge: Now it also says here that you lied about your sexual preference before marriage?Ross: Oh, come on!Rachel: (starts to cry) Ross, please, I found the magazines!Judge: And finally that you were unable to consummate the marriage. Well, that makes sense since you’re gay and addicted to heroin.Ross: Okay, I’m sorry, this is insane! I-I-I’m not addicted to heroin, I’m not gay, and there is no problem with my ability to consummate anything! Look, I’ll consummate this marriage right here, right now!Judge: That won’t be necessary.Ross: And when we were dating we consummated like bunnies!Rachel: Ugh!Judge: Now if you were two involved in a serious relationship, that really creates a problem.Rachel: Ross! Your honor, rest assured relationship ended like two years ago! (To the stenographer) And could you strike "Consummated like bunnies" from the record?Judge: Is there, anything in this record that is actually true?Rachel: Well, yes, we got married in Vegas and uh, and the names I think.Judge: Well, based on what I heard, you two certainly don’t qualify for an annulment. If you two don’t want to be together you’ll have to file for divorce.Ross: (stands up) That’s great! Are you happy now? Look what you did with your funny, funny form!Rachel: (stands up as well) What?! Me?! What about you and your consummated like bunnies nonsense!Ross: And what—(notices the stenographer is still typing)—What are you typing that for? Did you hear what she said? We don’t get the annulment. Don’t type that! What?! Stop typing! (He goes over to where the stenographer is typing and in the process pushes Rachel out of his way.) Hey! Stop typing! (He’s still typing.) Stop typing! Stop typing!!Rachel: (to the judge) Okay, do you see, do you see what you’re keeping me married too?!Judge: You need to get out of my chambers.Rachel: All right look lady here is the deal, I came here for an annulment and I am not leaving here until I get one!Ross: Yeah!Judge: Would you like to spend the night in jail?Rachel: And thank you for your time. (They both beat a hasty retreat.)Commercial BreakJoey: (entering wearing nothing but Porsche clothes) So the Porsche guy took his car back.Chandler: But you found the keys to his clothes?Joey: No. No, I just uh, I just loved the way it feels when everybody thinks I own a Porsche.Monica: And people will think you own a Porsche because you’re wearing the clothes?Joey: Of course! Only an idiot would wear this stuff if you didn’t have the car! Right?Chandler: That is true.Phoebe: Yeah, but only a genius would swallow a sonic blaster gun.Joey: Oh, I’ve been there. Yeah, I am gonna go drive my Porsche. (Starts to leave.)Monica: Joey, you know you don’t actually have one.Joey: Come on! What are you doing?! I’m in character! Would you talk to her! (Storms out.)Chandler: Ahh, I think it just moved. It’s really poking me.Monica: All right, that’s it, we’re going to the emergency room.Phoebe: What?! No, you can’t, you can’t leave me here with them! We’re baby-sitting! Monica: The babies are asleep, I’m sure you’ll be okay on your own for a while!Phoebe: But you-you can’t leave me with them! We-we’re a team! We’re playing a zone! They’re gonna triple team me!Monica: He’s got something plastic lodged in his throat, we’ve got to go to the hospital.Phoebe: But no, because a doctor won’t be able to help him, it’s just gonna y’know naturally pass through his system in like seven years.Chandler: I think that’s gum.Phoebe: I’m pretty sure it’s gun.Chandler: Okay, listen this really hurts. Let’s go.Phoebe: A real man wouldn’t just run to the hospital! (They don’t stop.) No! What would, what would Krog do? (They ignore her and Phoebe is left alone.)Joey: Why isn’t that valet back with my Porsche?Passerby: Maybe because you’ve got the keys?Joey: (to women passing him) Porsche.(Ross and Rachel approach, they’re still yelling at each other.)Rachel: This is totally your fault!Ross: My fault?! You threatened the judge!Rachel: Well, you ripped the paper out of the court reporter’s machine!!Ross: That was the only way I could get him to stop typing!Joey: Hi! How are the Gellers? Rachel: Don’t call us that! (Storms away)Ross: The judge wouldn’t let us get an annulment! Now we gotta get a divorce!! Did a Porsch throw up on you? (Walks on.)Joey: Hey! It’s Porsche!! (He’s right y’know.)Phoebe: Me taking care of you is no problem, huh? You guys feel safe. Right? Okay, I’m gonna take that spit bubble as, "Yeah, I do!" Okay, after I get rid of this dirty diaper Leslie, I’ll set you up with a clean one. (She throws it at the garbage without looking, misses, and knocks over a vase and flowers, which fall to the floor and break.) Okay, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. I just have to clean that up. Okay? ‘Cause let’s face it, we’re at Monica’s. (She crawls over, disposes of the diaper, picks up the flowers, and the vase.) I broke it. All right. Well, that’s just the way that goes. (She throws out both the flowers and the vase.) Okay, good. (She turns around and only counts two babies.) Why are there only two of you? Where is Leslie? Well, you can’t answer. (She starts looking for her) Leslie? Where are you Leslie? Leslie, now would be a good time for your first words! (She turns around and finds that Leslie has managed to crawl into the bottom drawer of the TV cabinet.) Well, look at you! Hey! You are a little bit mischievous! My gosh! (She picks her up and notices a surprise is waiting in the drawer.) Oh, you’re a lot mischievous! Well, it’ll dry. (Closes the drawer with her foot.) (To Leslie) Okay, you sit with your brother and sister now—who aren’t there! (They both have disappeared as well.)Chandler: (entering) Hey!Phoebe: (exhausted) How do you feel?Chandler: Well, let’s just say that Krog will be fully equipped to destroy the universe again in twelve to fourteen hours.Phoebe: Okay, so I totally took care of the babies all by myself! I fed ‘em, bathed ‘em, and put ‘em to bed.Chandler: And protected them from a tornado?(Monica enters and her jaw drops in horror.)Monica: Oh my God.Phoebe: I know, the babies are asleep.Monica: Phoebe, what, what happened here?!Phoebe: I did it! I took care of the babies all by myself!Monica: But my apartment!Chandler: Was the setting of Phoebe’s triumph.Monica: But the mess!Chandler: Is not as important as the fact that Phoebe took care of the babies all by herself.Monica: You’re right, you’re right I shouldn’t freak out. ‘Cause this is what will happen when you and I have babies! When will that be?!Chandler: (pause) Phoebe, would you take a look at this mess!!!!Rachel: (deadpan) Oh honey thank God you’re home, I was getting worried.Ross: I picked up the divorce papers. Uh, I’ve already signed everything and I put little ‘X’s where you need to sign.Rachel: Oh, little ‘X’s! Great! That makes up for everything!Ross: Y’know, I-I—you’ve done a lot of stupid stuff too! Okay?Rachel: Oh, name one stupid thing that is as stupid as this one!Ross: Okay, how about you flew to London to stop my wedding! Ah, how about you told me you loved me after I was already married!Rachel: Hey! Wait a minute! That was different! I did those things because I was in love with you!Ross: Yeah! Right!(Pause.)Ross: You’re right. That’s very different. So let’s, let’s just sign the papers. All right? (Sits down and Rachel keeps standing there.) What?Rachel: Nothing. (Sits down.)Ross: Okay, can we just sign please?Rachel: Uh-hmm. (Just as Rachel finishes signing her name, Ross yanks each page out of the way.)Ross: Congratulations. (Gets up to leave.)Rachel: Okay Ross, we’re—wait a minute. Umm, I uh, I kinda have a little confession.Ross: What?Rachel: Well, y’know this whole marriage thing, kinda my idea.Ross: Excuse me?Rachel: Well, remember how we were too drunk to remember anything the night we were married?Ross: Yeah?Rachel: And uh, yeah, I didn’t really, I didn’t want to say anything, but it kinda it just, it kinda kept coming back to me, and umm, remember we were in the casino and for some reason thought it would be funny to eat a lot of grapes. And uh, and I thought it would be funnier if we got married. So as a, as a compromise we decided first to get married, and then (Ross joins in) to eat a lot of grapes. So umm, sorry I got us into this mess.Ross: So then if-if—I mean if you think about it, this is all (Pause.) your fault.Rachel: Yeah, don’t push it though.Ross: I’ve got to say; I know I divorce a lot of women, never thought I would be divorcing you.Rachel: I know. I always thought if you and I got married, it would be the one that stuck. And it wouldn’t be a secret, and we wouldn’t have our wedding dinner at Pizza Hut. (They both laugh.)Ross: Did I, did I even treat?Rachel: No, it was on the house, it was, it was a newlywed special.Ross: That may be the most depressing thing I’ve heard in my life. I should probably get these to my lawyer’s office.Rachel: Hey, thanks Ross, for taking care of all of this.Ross: Eh, no problem.(They hug.)Rachel: I’m gonna need a copy of those.Ross: Totally. (Exits.)Ending CreditsJoey: Hey! Hey! Be careful around my Porsche! Woman: (the same one from before approaches) Hi Joey.Joey: Hey! How you doin’?Woman: (to her friend) He has the most amazing Porsche under there!Joey: I’d love to show ya, but I just tucked her in. She’s sleeping. (The women both laugh) Hey uh, would you two girls like to go for a drink? (Just then the same guy with the football dives to make a catch, lands on the car cover, and collapses it. It turns out that Joey set up a bunch of boxes to make it look like a Porsche.)End
本帖最后由 多云有时晴 于 2009-11-25 17:41 编辑 604 The One Where Joey Loses His InsuranceRachel: So, which of this kitchen stuff is mine?Monica: This bottle opener. (She grabs it off of the freezer door.)Rachel: And?Monica: And it’s a magnet!Rachel: Look at that!Ross: How weird is that? Y’know? You’re moving in with me and have the one thing I don’t have. It’s like uh, in a way you-you complete me (Phoebe glares at him) kitchen.Rachel: What?!Ross: (in an Australian accent) You complete me kitchen, matey!Phoebe: Ross, I know what you’re thinking.Ross: What?Phoebe: That she’s gonna move in with you and maybe then she’ll fall in love with you and then when she finds out you’re already married, she’ll just be happy. Y’know? You’re just, you’re very sad.Ross: Oh…my…God! I-I see what this is! You are in love with Rachel!Phoebe: What?!!Ross: Of course! It all adds up! I mean you you’re obsessed with her. It’s always, "Ross, what are you gonna do about Rachel?" "Ross, why-why are you moving in with Rachel?" "When are you gonna confess your secret marriage to Rachel?" You want her!Phoebe: No! (Ross’s phone rings.)Ross: (answering it) Uh-oh, saved by the bell. (On phone) Hello?Monica: Hey Rach, aren’t these candlesticks (holds up a pair) mine?Rachel: No-no, I bought those.Monica: Ohh! Yeah, I forgot.Rachel: Yeah. (Rachel walks away.)Monica: (under her breath) That you’re a liar. (Hides the candlesticks in a drawer.)Ross: (on phone) No-no-no, that’s great! I’ll be there Monday. And thank you again! (Listens) Okay. (Hangs up) (To All) Umm, that was the head of the Paleontology department at N uh, Y, uh U!Monica: Wow! Uh what, did he uh, say?Ross: Well remember that paper I had published last year on sediment flow rate, huh? They loved it. Rachel: Well, who wouldn’t?!Ross: I know! Anyway, they asked me to be a guest lecturer! I mean it’s temporary, but uh, if they like me it could lead to a full time job. How great would that look great on a mailbox, huh? "Professor Geller."Phoebe: Yeah, Professor and Mrs.Rachel: And Mrs.?!Phoebe: Oh! Yeah, y’know you and Ross are still married.Rachel: What?!!Phoebe: Just kidding!Rachel: Ohh! Oh God! (Laughs her way into the living room.) Phoebe: (To Ross) Saved your ass.Opening CreditsChandler: Hey!Phoebe: Hi.Monica: Hey!Chandler: Oh, what’s the matter?Phoebe: Well, you know that psychic I see?Chandler: Yeah?Phoebe: Well, she told me that I’m gonna die this week, so I’m kinda bummed about that.Chandler: What?!Phoebe: Yeah, and I know you guys don’t know a lot about psychic readings, but that one is pretty much the worse one you can get.Monica: Phoebe that’s crazy!Joey: I can’t believe she would say that too you.Rachel: Yeah honey you don’t believe her do you?Phoebe: I don’t—she said y’know that I’d have triplets! But she also said one of them would be black.Chandler: Just out of curiosity did she tell you how you’re gonna go?Phoebe: No, ‘cause she didn’t tell me I was gonna die until the very end of the session, and I was not gonna waste a whole another hour there! I mean I’ve only got a week left, y’know? I’ve really gotta start living now! (So she picks up the latest copy of Car and Driver (a U.S. auto magazine), leans back, and starts reading.)Ross: (entering) Hey everyone!Chandler: Oh hi!Ross: Hey uh, well, today’s my first lecture and I kinda wanted to try it out on you guys, do you, do you mind?(They pause to think about it.)All: Oh that’d be great. Sure!Ross: (he starts reading directly from his cards word for word very quietly) "There are three primary theories concerning sediment flow rate. Each of these theories can be further subcategorized into two distinct…"Phoebe: Oh, this is it. This what’s gonna kill me.Ross: (continuing) "…subcategories. The first of these subcategories is…"Joey: (interrupting him) Uh Ross! Are there uh, are there naked chicks on that piece of paper?Ross: No! Why?Joey: Well, I’ve just never seen a guy stare so hard at a piece of paper that didn’t have naked chicks on it.Ross: Ohh! Okay! Okay. (Resumes reading word for word from the card) "There are three (pauses and looks at Joey) primary theories concerning sediment flow rate. (Pauses and darts his eyes between Chandler and Rachel.) (Rachel starts laughing) Each of these theories (glances at Phoebe) can be further subcategorized (glances at Chandler) into…"Chandler: Why don’t you open with a joke?Ross: Open with a joke? It’s a university, not a comedy club!Chandler: Wait a minute, hold the phone! You’re not talking about Chuckles University?!Ross: (gets up) Okay!All: Ohh! We’re kidding! Oh, we’re kidding!Rachel: Ross, hey you know what might make it less boring?Ross: Thank you!Rachel: Some uh, some visual aides.Joey: Oh-ooh-ooh! Y’know what’s a good visual aide?Ross: Please don’t say naked chicks.Joey: Why not?!Ross: I-I-I don’t even know why I bother to talk to you guys about it. Y’know what? I’m just gonna do it on my own with no naked chicks.Chandler: That’s the way I did it ‘til I was 19.Chandler: Hey.Joey: Hey! Any good mail?Chandler: Yes, you got something from the Screen Actor’s Guild.Joey: Ooh, it’s probably a residual check, hey can you open it for me, I’m kinda….Chandler: (opens and reads it) "Benefits lapsed."Joey: Hmm that’s weird. I don’t remember being in a move called benefits lapsed.Chandler: Okay, it’s not a check. They’re saying your health insurance expired because, you didn’t work enough last year.Joey: Let me see that!Chandler: All right.Joey: (reads it) Oh, I can’t believe this! This sucks! When I had insurance I could get hit by a bus or catch on fire, y’know? And it wouldn’t matter. Now I gotta be careful?!Chandler: I’m sorry man, there’s never a good time to (pauses) stop catching on fire.Joey: All right well, I guess I gotta go get a job. I’m gonna go see my agent.Chandler: Okay, make sure you look both ways before you cross the street.Joey: (mocks him, in a whiney voice) …look both ways before you cross the street. (Turns and walks headlong into the closed door.)Phoebe: Hey!Rachel: Hey Pheebs, you’re still alive! How are you doing?Phoebe: Ugh, it’s so exhausting waiting for death. Ohh, by the way, do you think you could—(Groans, hacks, and then freezes with her eyes open and her tongue hanging out.)Rachel: Pheebs, what-what are you doing?Phoebe: I was preparing you for my—didn’t you think I was dead? Did that not come off?Rachel: Oh yeah, scared the hell out of me. I thought we’d lost you forever. Pheebs, you lie down?Phoebe: Yeah, thanks. And listen, can you do me a favor? Could you just umm, wake me up in a couple hours, y’know if you can.(Phoebe goes and lies down as Rachel opens the drawer Monica hid the candlesticks in and as Monica walks out of her room.)Rachel: Monica!Monica: Hmm? (Rachel holds up the candlesticks.)Rachel: Did-did you take these back?Monica: No-no, I-I just, I liked them so much that I went out and bought some for myself.Rachel: Oh yeah, they’re really great! Aren’t they?Monica: I loved them!Rachel: Yeah. (Monica walks away) Nice try! (Rachel puts them in a box.)Ross: (entering) Hello!Monica: Hey!Rachel: Hey!Monica: How’d the lecture go?Ross: It went great! And I didn’t need any jokes or naked chicks either!Rachel: Wow, that’s great Ross, I’m sorry we weren’t more supportive before.Ross: I knew all I had to do was let the material speak for itself. Everyone’s all, "Ross you have to be funny and sexy." Well, I proved them wrong! And now, I’m gonna pass the news onto Joey and Chandler.Monica: That you’re not funny or sexy?Ross: That’s right!Joey: (entering) Hey Estelle, listen…Estelle: Well! Well! Well! Joey Tribbiani! So you came back huh? They think they can do better but they all come crawling back to Estelle!Joey: What are you talkin’ about? I never left you! You’ve always been my agent!Estelle: Really?!Joey: Yeah!Estelle: Oh well, no harm, no foul.Joey: Estelle, you gotta get me some work. I-I lost my health insurance.Estelle: All right, first thing we gotta do, damage control.Joey: Why?Estelle: Well, I think uhh, someone out there may have been bad mouthing you all over town.Joey: Bastard!Chandler: Hey!Joey: (in obvious pain) Hey! So Estelle lined up a bunch of auditions for me tomorrow and I’ll have my health insurance back in no time.Chandler: That’s great, but shouldn’t you be on the toilet right now?Joey: What?!Chandler: What’s wrong with you?Joey: Nothing! Well, I-I got this blinding pain in my stomach when I was lifting weights before, then I uh passed out and uh, haven’t been able to stand up since. But um, I don’t think it’s anything serious.Chandler: This sounds like a hernia. You have to—you-you go to the doctor!Joey: No way! ‘Kay look, if I have to go to the doctor for anything it’s gonna be for this thing sticking out of my stomach! (Rolls over and shows Chandler.)Chandler: That’s a hernia.Joey: Why did I have to start working out again? (Looks at the weights he was using.) Damn you 15s!Rachel: Well, we’re a little early, the lecture doesn’t end for 15 minutes.Monica: Yeah, but y’know we could sneak in and watch.Rachel: Yeah, we could. Oh hey look! There’s some Kappa Kappa Deltas! I was a Kappa. (to them) Hey sisters! (They ignore her.) (To Monica) Wow, we really are bitches.(They enter the lecture hall to find Ross speaking in an English accent for some unknown reason.)Ross: (to the class) Right! So when Rigby got his samples back from the laboratory he made a startling discovery! What he believed to be igneous, was in fact sedimentary. Imagine his consternation when—(sees Monica and Rachel.) Oh bloody hell.Commercial BreakMonica: What the hell are you doing?!Ross: Look, I was nervous! You guys had me all worried I was going to be boring! I got up there and they were all like staring at me. I opened my mouth and this British accent just came out.Rachel: Yeah, and not a very good one.Ross: Will you-will you please?(Another professor walks down from the back of the lecture hall.)The Professor: Dr. Geller, Kurt Rathman, I’m a professor in the paleontology department here.Ross: Oh.The Professor: Do you have a moment to talk about your lecture?Ross: (in his British accent) I’m sorry, I’ve got plans with my sister.Monica: (in an Irish accent) Monica Gellerrr. (She rolls her ‘R’)Ross: (in accent) Right, will you excuse us for one moment? (Takes Monica aside.) (In his normal voice.) What are you doing?Monica: (normal voice) Oh, you can have an accent and I can’t?! (To an exiting student in accent.) Top ‘O the morning to ya laddies!Ross: Just please stop!(They turn back to Rachel and Professor Rathman.)Rachel: (in an Indian accent) Yes, yes, Bombay is bery, bery nice time of year.Chandler: Hey, will you grab me a cruller? (Joey starts to groan and get up.) Sit down! Will you go to the hospital?!Joey: Dude! Hernia operations cost like, a lot probably. Besides it’s getting darker and more painful, that means it’s healing.Chandler: I will loan you the money. Just go to the hospital and let’s just get that thing…pushed back in.Joey: Thank you, but it would take me forever to pay you that money back and I don’t want that hanging over my head. Okay? Besides, as soon as my insurance kicks in I can get all the free operations I want! Yeah, I’m thinking I’ll probably start with that laser eye surgery too.(Phoebe enters.)Phoebe: Hey!Chandler: Hey.Joey: Hey!Phoebe: What’s going on?Chandler: Oh Joey’s got a really bad hernia, but that’s nothing a little laser eye surgery won’t fix!Joey: Look, I’m telling you if I put my hand on my stomach right here (He puts his hand down his pants, like Al Bundy on Married…With Children always used to do.) it doesn’t hurt that bad.Phoebe: Hey! Maybe you’ll die!Joey: Sure, now I’m scared.Phoebe: No, we can go together! Just don’t wait too long though, okay? ‘Cause I’m outta here sometime before Friday.Joey: Yeah, but I don’t wanna die!Phoebe: No-no, it’ll be fun! We can come back and we can haunt these guys!Monica: Gimme ‘em!Rachel: No! They are mine!Monica: You stole them from me!Rachel: You stole them from me!!Monica: Gimme them!(With one last mighty tug the combatants lose their grip and split, each holding one candlestick.)Monica: You just wanna each take one?Rachel: Yeah that seems fair. We never use them.Ross: (entering) Look, I really need some help, okay? Why? Why did I have to speak in a British accent?! What do I do?Rachel: Well…Monica: Why don’t you phase it out? Yeah, fade the accent out and people will think you’re, y’know, that you’re adjusting to life in America.Rachel: Yeah, I mean, come on Ross, no one will even notice. I mean they’re probably not even listening!Ross: They’re not listening too me?Rachel: Of course they’re listening to you! Everybody listens to you.Ross: Monica you really think I should try this phasing out thing?Monica: I think you look fine.Casting Director #1: Whenever you’re ready.Joey: (in a gravely, painful voice) Okay. "Hey, Timmy, I’ve got a surprise for you."Casting Director #1: Hold it. I’m sorry, the surprise is a new swing set, if you could play it a little less…intense?Joey: Oh yeah, sure, no problem, I’ll just—hold on one second. (He turns around and puts his hand in his pants and groans in relief.) (In a relaxed voice.) "Hey Timmy, I’ve got a surprise for you!"Casting Director #1: Oh my God!!(Joey pulls his hand out and reverts back to intense pain.)Purina One Dog Chow, an actual item. Please note the gratuitous product placement.]Joey: So that’s why I feed my dog Purina One! Pick up a bag today! (He turns, looks at the bag and realizes he won’t be able to pick it up.)Casting Director #2: That’s where you pick up the bag.Joey: Exactly.Casting Director #2: No, the line is pick a bag, so you need to pick up the bag.Joey: Or, I could just point to it! Huh? Blah, blah, blah, Purina One, point to a bag today. (She just looks at him.) I didn’t get it, did I?Casting Director #2: No.Joey: Yeah, okay. (Leaves)Joey: Hi. I’m Joey Tribbiani; I’m here to audition for (Groans) man.Casting Director #3: You mean dying man?Joey: Yes!Monica: Okay, come on, do it one more time!Rachel: Really? Really?!Monica: Yes!Rachel: Okay! (Picks up the phone and starts dialing.) (In an Irish accent) "Hello Ross, this is Dr. McNeeley from the Fake Accent University, we’d like you to come on board with us full time! (Hangs up.)Phoebe: (entering) Hey!Rachel: Hey!Phoebe: Listen to this! My reading was wrong, I’m not going die!Rachel: Really?! How do you know?Phoebe: Because my psychic is dead! She must’ve read the cards wrong!Rachel: Oh, I’m sorry.Phoebe: Eh, better her than me! Hey, let’s bake cookies!Chandler: Listen, I’m really glad you got the part.Joey: (barely audible through the pain) Thank you.Chandler: But are you sure you can do this?Joey: Yeah! And hey, thanks for coming with me. And thanks again for helping me take a shower.(Chandler steps away quickly.)Chandler: Now, is that never talking about it again?!Joey: (to the director) Hiya!The Director: Hey Joey, we’re ready for ya! (Joey stumbles over) Joey, this is Alex he’s going to be playing your son.Joey: Hi Alex! (to the director) And uh, as you can see my hands are not in my pants. (Holds them both up.)The Director: Okay. (to Alex) All right uh, Alex now when Joey says his line, "Take good care of your Momma son," that’s your cue to cry. Got it? (Alex nods yes.) All right, let’s do this.(Joey lies down on the gurney.)A Crew Member: (with that board thingy) Scene 5, take 1.The Director: And Action!Joey: "Take could care of your Momma son." (Alex just looks at him and the director motions for him to continue so he tries it again.) "Take could care of your Momma son." (Alex does nothing.) "Come on son! Your Momma’s good people!"The Director: Cut! Alex, remember you’re supposed to cry. Can you cry for us this time?Alex: Okay.The Director: All right, from the top.A Crew Member: Scene 5, take 2.A Crew Member: Take 36 is up!The Director: All right! Let’s try this again! You ready Joe?Joey: Ah, just one thing umm, is it all right with you if I, if I scream right up until you say action?The Director: Uh sure.Joey: Okay. (Starts screaming.)The Director: Action!Joey: (he stops screaming at action) "Take good care of your Momma son." (Again Alex does nothing.)The Director: Cut!!!!!!!!!! (Joey starts screaming again.)(Chandler decides to help out.)Chandler: I’m sorry! Hey-hey Joe, why don’t you uh, lift up your shirt? (He does.) Take a look at this kiddo. (Alex finally starts crying.) We have a crying child! Roll the damn cameras!Rachel: (answering it) Hello? Russell: (Ross’s divorce lawyer.) Hello, is Ross there?Rachel: Uh no, he’s not. Can I take a message?Russell: Yes, this Russell, Ross’s divorce lawyer, just tell him that since I haven’t heard from him, I assume he’s decided to give the marriage a try.Rachel: Ross got married again—Nooooooo!!!!!!!!!Ross: (in his head) All right, keep going. We are phasing the accent out, phasing it out. So without out re-testing the results in the laboratory (pronounced the British way) the team would never have identified (British) the initial errors in their carbon dating analysis (British). Were there any questions at this point? (One student raises his hand.) Yes. (Points to him.)A Student: What’s happening to your accent?Ross: (British) Come again? What’s-what’s this nonsense? (Giggles.) (American.) All right, I’m-I’m not English. I’m from Long Island. I was really nervous and the accent just uh, just came out. I’m sorry. So, if we could just get back to the lecture. Umm, were there any questions? (Everyone raises their hands) About paleontology. (They all put their hands down.) All right, look I was just trying to make a good first impression. Obviously, I screwed up. But what you guys think of me is really important because I’m-I’m hoping to get a permanent job here. So if you just give me another chance to make a good impression…(At this moment Rachel bursts through the door. Needless to say, she’s not in the best of moods having just found out Ross’s dirty little secret.)Rachel: Ross!! Are you crazy?! I am still your wife!! What, were you just never gonna tell me?!! What the hell is wrong with you?!!!! Ugh, I could just kill you!!!!Ross: (in the accent again) Well, hello Rachel!Ending CreditsPhoebe: Have you really done this before?Joey: Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! You just take a big, big swing. Now, don’t hold back. (He dons his protective helmet (Why, I have no clue.) and Phoebe picks up a wooden baseball bat and starts to swing as Chandler and Monica enter.)Phoebe: Hey!Joey: Hey-hey-hey!Chandler: What are you doing?Phoebe: We’re just celebrating that Joey got his health insurance back.Chandler: Oh, all right.(Decided that they are less than human as well, Chandler picks up a golf club and Monica a frying pan, to join in on the fun of beating their good friend to within an inch of his life!)End
本帖最后由 多云有时晴 于 2009-11-25 17:30 编辑 602 The One Where Ross Hugs RachelRoss: Hey!Rachel: Hey, so did everything go okay with the annulment?Ross: Oh, yeah, no problems. It’s all taken care of.Rachel: Ross, thank you. Hey, do you guys wanna go see a movie?Ross: Oh yeah, why not?Rachel: Okay, umm, I’m gonna get my sweater. (Walks away.)Ross: Okay. (Sits down next to Phoebe.) You uh, you wanna hear something weird?Phoebe: Always.Ross: I didn’t get the annulment.Phoebe: What?!Ross: We’re still married! Don’t tell Rachel. See you later. (He gets up leaving Phoebe in shock.)Ross: (To Rachel) Hey, do you have any gum?Rachel: Oh? Yeah! Sure!Phoebe: (running out) Wait! Wait! Hi! Listen, Ross can I just talk to you for just a second?Rachel: Oh but Phoebe, we’re gonna be late for the movie.(A cab pulls up.)Phoebe: Oh, there’s a cab! Taxi!! (The cab stops and she opens the door.) Good timing, my God, huh? Here you go. (Pushes Rachel in and closes the door.) Rachel: Yeah, we’re, we’re actually just gonna walk ‘cause it’s right up there at the Angelica.Phoebe: Oh, the Angelica!! Go! Go! (She bangs on the cab’s roof and it pulls away.) (To Ross) You didn’t get the annulment?!!Ross: I know.Phoebe: Ross?!Ross: Well, I tried! But when I got to my lawyer’s office all I could hear was, "Three divorces. Three divorces!" Look, I just don’t want my tombstone to read, Ross Gellar, Three Divorces.Phoebe: Don’t be worried about that! Your tombstone can say whatever you want it to say! It could say, Ross Geller, Good at Marriage! Y’know? Mine’s gonna say Phoebe Buffay, Buried Alive.Ross: Look, all I know is I-I can’t have another failed marriage!Phoebe: So okay what? You’re gonna be married to a girl who doesn’t even know about it?!—Op, woman! Sorry.Ross: Well, okay so, I don’t have it all worked out quite yet. Just don’t say anything to Rachel, please?Phoebe: Rachel is one of my closest friends. (Pause) Although, being the only one who knows anything about this does makes me feel special. Okay!(Rachel’s cab backs up.)Rachel: (to the driver) Okay, stop-stop! Phoebe?!Phoebe: Hey Rach!Rachel: What was that?!Phoebe: Sorry, mix up. Hey, how was the movie?Rachel: I haven’t seen it yet!Phoebe: Well then you’d better hurry! The Angelica! Go! Go! (Bangs on the roof again and off they go.)Rachel: Noooooooo!!Opening Credits:)Chandler: Y’know when we move in together, can I get a gumball machine?Monica: Of course! Joey wouldn’t let you have one?Chandler: No. When it comes to sweets, he’s surprisingly strict.Monica: Hey, have you figured out a way to tell him you’re moving out? Chandler: No, no, I keep trying, y’know? I can get out, "Joey, I have too…" but then I lose my nerve and I always finish with, "…go to the bathroom." He may think I’m sick.Monica: Y’know, I really have to tell Rachel, but I… We just have to get it over with! Y’know, the next time we see them we’re just gonna tell them. Okay? That’s it.Chandler: Oh, so that’s this is gonna work now? You’re just gonna order me around all the time?Monica: Pretty much.Chandler: All right.Joey: (entering) Hey Monica!Monica: Hi!Joey: (To Chandler) Hey man, you feeling any better? (Chandler answers him with some guttural sounds that only he can make and that no human can transcribe.)Monica: Joey, we have something to tell you.Joey: Oh my God! You’re pregnant!Chandler: No-o-o! (To Monica) No? (She nods no.) No-o-o! Look Joey, here’s the thing, Monica and I have decided to live together, here. So, I’m gonna be moving out man.Joey: Wow! (Tearing up) Well, uh… Hey! I’m really happy for you guys! Congratulations! (Kisses Monica on the cheek) See you later. (Starts for the door on the verge of tears as Monica stops him.)Monica: Wait! Joey! Joey! Are you okay?!Joey: Yeah, I gotta go! I got an acting job. (Turns towards the door, pauses, and turns back.) Like you’d believe that. This sucks!Chandler: Look, I-I’m just gonna be right across the hall and I promise you, the minute Monica and I break up I’m moving right back in with you!Joey: (To Monica) Okay! Look-look-look, uh, if you’re gonna be moving in with him I feel it’s my responsibility to tell you the truth about him! Okay? He’s a terrible roommate! Terrible! He uh, forgets to umm… Oh-oh he always, he always umm—Oh, who am I kidding! He’s the best roommate ever! (Hugs Chandler.)Monica: Hey Pheebs! Phoebe: Hey!Monica: Hey, have you seen Rachel?Phoebe: No, why?Monica: I have some pretty exciting news!Phoebe: (gasps) You’re pregnant!Monica: No! Chandler and I are moving in together!Phoebe: Ooh! That’s good! Wow! But now if you were pregnant, what would you name it? Hint:)hoebe.(Ross returns from getting some coffee.)Ross: Hey! Hi!Monica: Hey!Ross: What’s up?Monica: Well umm, Chandler and I are moving in together.Ross: Oh my God. Ohh, my little sister and my best friend…shaking up. Oh, that’s great. That’s great. (Kisses and hugs her.)Phoebe: Guys, I’m happy too.Monica: Okay, come here! (Phoebe joins them in the hug.)Phoebe: Wow! Big day huh? People moving in, people getting annulled… (Winks at Ross.)Monica: Okay, I gotta go find Rachel but umm, if you guys see her could you please try to give her some really bad news so that mine doesn’t seem so bad? (Exits.)Ross: Bye.Phoebe: Hmm, something bad to tell Rachel… Bad news for Rachel, what could that be?!Ross: Could ya just, could ya just lay off, please? All right? My life is an embarrassment! I should go live under somebody’s stairs!Phoebe: Ross, it’s not that big a deal! So you’ll been divorced three times, you’ll still have a life, you’ll go on dates…Ross: (interrupting) No! No, I won’t! I’ll be at the bottom of the dating barrel now. The only guys below me will be Four Divorce Guy uh, Murderer Guy, and-and, Geologists.Phoebe: Ross, you’re being ridiculous! Okay? You are cute and smart and sweet and that is much more important than three stupid divorces!Ross: Oh yeah? Have you ever dated anyone who has been divorced three times?Phoebe: Y’know that’s really fair. Y’know? Most guys who have been divorced three times are like 60. Ross, nobody cares about this except you! This-this embarrassment thing is all in your head! Here, I’ll show you! Come here.Ross: What?! Why?(She grabs his arm and drags him over to a table where three beautiful women are sitting. Now, I’m going to go out on a limb and say that their names are Stephanie, Karin, and Meg. Okay, so I looked at the credits. Of course, only Meg is named later on, so I’ll have to guess who is Stephanie and who is Karin. But, we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.)Phoebe: (to the girls) Hi! Hi! Listen, my friend Ross is about to be divorced for the third time, but wouldn’t you date him?Ross: And if you wait right here, I’ll go get Ross. (Phoebe grabs his arm and prevents him from escaping.)Chandler: (entering) Hey!Monica: Ugh, I thought you were Rachel!Chandler: (looking down) What gave me away?Monica: I just tell her, I have to get it over with. I told Ross and Phoebe and she’s the only one left!Chandler: Okay, so that’s it, everybody knows! It’s official, we’re moving in together. No turning back. Are ya scared? Are ya?Monica: No.Chandler: Wow that was my scariest voice! You’re very brave.(They hug as Rachel enters.)Rachel: Hey!Chandler: Hey.Rachel: Ugh, the worse day! Y’know, you think you’re making progress at work and then your boss calls you Raquel.Chandler: Hey listen, for the first four years of my work everybody called me Sha-la-lap. (Awkward silence ensues.) Seriously.Rachel: I believe you. So, it was right in the middle of a staff meeting so of course no one else wants to correct her so everyone else is calling me Raquel! By the end of the day, the mailroom guys were calling me Rocky!Chandler: Well, I-I still think you’re very-very nice and very pretty…Rachel: What?Chandler: (To Monica) All yours babe. (Walks away.)Monica: Have a seat. (They sit at the table.) Okay, listen umm, Chandler and I are going to live together, here.Rachel: Oh my God! That’s so great! I’m so happy for you guys! Monica: Really?!Rachel: And that was so sweet of you to ask! Oh my God, the three of us are gonna have such a good time living together!Monica: Yes, we are. (Chandler is frantically trying to get Monica to correct her.)Rachel: And Chandler, you’re gonna have to watch those long showers you take in the morning because you know Raquel can’t be late.Chandler: Rach…Monica: Yeah, he’s gonna work on that.Rachel: Ohh! This is so exciting! Oh God… (Gasps and starts to sing) Come and knock on my door…Monica: (singing) We’ll be waiting for you…:)Commercial BreakRoss: …once you know the stories, it’s not that bad. First marriage, wife’s hidden sexuality, not my fault. Second marriage, said the wrong name at the altar, a little my fault. Third marriage, well they really shouldn’t allow you to get married when you’re that drunk and have writing all over your face, Nevada’s fault.Phoebe: Okay, so what do you think ladies? Who wouldn’t be interested? Who wouldn’t want to date him?Stephanie: Well the divorces don’t bother me, I’d date him. But, not while he’s still married.Phoebe: Okay, what about you? (Points to Karin) Wouldn’t you want a date?Karin: Actually, I’m dating at all anymore. See, I figured out that I was only dating guys that were like y’know bad for me, so until I work that out…Phoebe: (interrupting) Whatever! What about you Meg?Meg: Well, I don’t care about the divorces either, but I wouldn’t date him. It’s just that he’s obviously still in love with this Rachel girl.Ross: What?!Phoebe: (leaning to him) She said, "He’s obviously still in love with this Rachel girl." (He glares at her.)Ross: This is crazy! I mean, yes-yes Rachel is my good friend and I-I have loved her in the past, but now, she is just my wife! Phoebe, will you-will you help me out here?Phoebe: Well, I thought you loved her when you-when you married her.Ross: We were drunk! I would’ve married uh, Joey with that amount of alcohol!Phoebe: Hey! You could do a lot worse than Joey Tribbiani!! Ross: (to the panel) Look, I’m sorry, but you guys are wrong. I just don’t want to be divorced three times.Phoebe: Yes, and now he’s using this three divorces reason because he wants to stay married to her because he loves her. I must say, "Well done!" Bravo Meg.Ross: (getting up) Okay! Fine! Fine! If-if this is what you think, forget about the whole three divorce thing! Okay, I-I’ll go to my lawyer’s office right now and get this marriage annulled! Okay?! Because she means nothing to me! Noth—(leans down to Meg’s ear)—Nothing!!Meg: Okay now I wouldn’t date you because you seem a little creepy.Karin: I am so attracted to him right now.Chandler: Okay, when are we gonna tell Rachel what is actually gonna happen?Monica: Soon! I-I just couldn’t before. You saw how upset Joey got! I couldn’t do that to her, she’s my best friend!Chandler: Well, Joey’s my best friend.Monica: I’m not your best friend?Chandler: You just said… Of course you’re my best friend. Would you please tell Rachel though?Monica: All right, all right, at least I’m prepared.Chandler: Okay. (She grabs a tin of freshly baked cookies) Oh yes. (He reaches for one.)Monica: (slapping his hand) Hey!Chandler: Hey-hey!Monica: These aren’t for you! Are you upset?Chandler: I am now!Rachel: (entering) Hey roomie!Chandler: Okay, bye! (Exits.)Monica: Rach, there’s something uh, important I have to tell you.Rachel: (gasps) Are you pregnant?!Monica: No! But, I’m throwing this shirt away! I think there was a little misunderstanding before.Rachel: Um-hmm.Monica: Umm, when I said that uh, that Chandler and I wanted to umm, live together we meant alone together.Rachel: (laughs) Oh my God! Oh, that’s funny, I can’t believe I did that.Monica: Oh no sweetie, no! This is my fault, I wasn’t clear! I’m really sorry. And listen, you take as much time as you need to move out okay? There’s absolutely no rush.Rachel: Okay. (Sits back and resumes her reading.)Monica: Okay. Don’t you want a cookie?Rachel: Sure? (Monica hands her one.) Thanks.Monica: Maybe, do you need a tissue?(Rachel mumbles uh-huh and spits the half-eaten cookie out onto the tissue.)Rachel: Monica, where did you get these?!Monica: I made them!Rachel: Ooh, good God, they’re so yummy! (She re-ingests the previously expelled cookie matter from the tissue.)Joey: God, it’s gonna so weird like when I come home and you’re not here. Y’know? No more Joey and Chan’s. No more J and C’s. "You wanna go over to Joey and Chandler’s?" "Can’t, its not there."Chandler: Look, I’m just gonna be across the hall, we can still do all the same stuff.Joey: Yeah but we won’t be able to like get up in the middle of the night and have those long talks about our feelings and the future.Chandler: Not once did we do that.Monica: (entering) Hi.Chandler: Hey!Joey: Hi.Monica: So I, I told Rachel it was just gonna be the two of us.Chandler: Oh yeah? Well, how’d she take it?Monica: Really well. Yeah. Surprisingly well. Yeah, she didn’t cry. She wasn’t angry or sad. (Sits down, slightly disgusted.)Chandler: And you’re upset because you didn’t make your best friend cry?Monica: I mean, all I’m asking for is just a little emotion! Is that too much to ask after six years?! I mean what? Are-are-are Rachel and I not as close as you guys?! I mean do we not have as much fun?! Don’t I deserve a few tears?!! I mean we-we told Joey, he cried his eyes out!Joey: Hey! I did not cry my eyes out!! Come on! It’s like the end of an era! No more J-man and Channie’s!! Chandler: Okay, I gotta ask, who calls us that?!Russell: You got married again.Ross: Yes.Russell: So that’s your second marriage in two years.Ross: Yes, second in two years. Third overall.Russell: Ross, I have been a divorce attorney for 23 years and never had I so much business from one client. Why don’t you tell me what happened.Ross: Basically, Rachel and I were in Vegas and we got drunk…Russell: (interrupting) I’m sorry, is this the same Rachel who’s name you said at the altar in the second marriage?Ross: Yes-yes-yes! But, I-I do not love her.Russell: Oh, that’s better then.Ross: This was just a drunken mistake and I need to get it annulled.Russell: I see. Have you considered therapy?Ross: I think just the annulment for today.Russell: There are a couple of forms to fill out.Ross: Easy.Russell: And we’ll need to have witnesses who can testify that you were not of uh, sound mind.Ross: No problem.Russell: And we’ll need you and Rachel to testify before a judge.Ross: Ooh! There’s no way to do this without her? ‘Cause I kinda all ready told her uh, it was, it was already taken care of.Russell: Of course you did. Look Ross, you can’t get an annulment unless you and Rachel are both there.Ross: Uh-ha, what about someone who looks like Rachel? (Russell glares at him.) I will think about the therapy.Rachel: Hey!Monica: Hey. So um, I was thinking that maybe we should start dividing up our stuff.Rachel: Okay!Monica: Y’know, no point in dragging it out. Dragging out the long process of you moving out and us not living together anymore.Rachel: Okay.Monica: Hey Rach, what about this? (She holds up a chrome 5-point star.) Huh? Who-who gets this? See, I don’t know if I want it because it might be y’know, too many memories!Rachel: (grabbing the star) What the hell is that?Monica: I don’t know. (Picks up a big plate from the coffee table.) Hey, Rachel, you want the big plate? I want you to have the big plate.Rachel: Wow! Mon, thanks! I love this plate!Monica: Something to remember me by!Rachel: Mon, honey you’re not dying. I’m just moving out. Y’know, I mean we’re gonna see each other all the time.Monica: But still, it’s a big change. The end of an era, you might say!Rachel: Are you okay? You’re not blinking.Monica: I’m fine! I just, I’m thinking how much it’s an end of era.Rachel: Oh, all right. But y’know I gotta say, I don’t, I don’t think six years counts as an era.Monica: An era is defined as a significant period of time. Now, it was significant to me, maybe it wasn’t significant to you!Rachel: What is the matter with you?!Monica: What is the matter with you?!! Why aren’t you more upset?! Aren’t you gonna be sad that we’re not gonna be living together anymore?! I mean aren’t you gonna miss me at all?!Rachel: All right, fine, but don’t get mad at me. It’s-it’s just a little hard to believe.Monica: What’s hard to believe?Rachel: Well y’know, it’s you guys. You-you do this kind of stuff! Y’know? I mean, you-you were gonna get married in Vegas and then you backed out! I guess I’m not upset because I don’t see you guys going through with it. I’m sorry.Monica: Rachel, it’s going to happen. Chandler is gonna move in here.Rachel: But I…Monica: No-no, wait! Just let me finish, okay? This isn’t something that we just, we just impulsively decided in-in Vegas, this is something we both really want. And it is going to happen.Rachel: It is? Really?Monica: Yeah, sweetie.Rachel: (starting to lose her composure) I mean we’re not, we’re not gonna live together anymore?Monica: No.Rachel: What? Oh my God! I’m gonna miss you so much! (Starts to cry.)Monica: I’m gonna miss you! (They hug.)Rachel: I mean it’s the end of an era!Monica: I know!Phoebe: (to Joey and Chandler) Okay, bye!Ross: Oh no.Phoebe: So? Did you get the annulment?Ross: I couldn’t.Phoebe: I knew it! Because you love Rachel.Ross: It’s not that. Okay? Annulments are more complicated than I…Phoebe: Yeah, complicated ‘cause of the love.Ross: I… I do, I do not love Rachel. I’m gonna tell her right now about the whole thing so we can get this marriage annulled as fast as possible. Okay? Would I do that if I loved her?Phoebe: I’ve never been more convinced of your love for her.Ross: I do not have feelings for Rachel! Okay?! (He goes into her apartment.)Ross: Ohh, what’s wrong?!Rachel: Monica and Chandler are really moving in here and I have to move out and everything is changing.Ross: Oh my—Come here! Come here! (He hugs her.) It’s okay. Everything’s gonna be okay.Rachel: Thank you.Ross: Of course.(Ross suddenly realizes something.)Ending CreditsJoey: So, Ross and Rachel got married, Monica and Chandler almost got married, do you think you and I should hook up?Phoebe: Oh we do, but not just yet.Joey: Really?! Well, when?Phoebe: Okay umm, well, first Chandler and Monica will get married and be filthy rich by the way. Yeah. But it won’t work out.Joey: Wow.Phoebe: I know. Then, I’m gonna marry Chandler for the money and you’ll marry Rachel and have the beautiful kids.Joey: Great!Phoebe: But then we ditch those two and that’s when we get married. We’ll have Chandler’s money and Rachel’s kids and getting custody will be easy because of Rachel’s drinking problem.Joey: Oh-oh, what about Ross?Phoebe: I don’t want to go into the whole thing, but umm, we have words and I kill him.End
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